Facing Fears and Learning Lessons

After Kona I took a few weeks “off” (doing whatever I felt like in terms of training each day, but EASY). Even after two weeks my legs were still pretty tired but I tried to start keeping up with Steve Houston (fellow Wattie Ink team member) again on the bike and runs. After a few weeks I felt mostly recovered and back to normal. Coach Larry told me to go have fun and get in some long rides each week, but to enjoy training. My mind decided to construe this as “go train as many hours as you want and beat your body senseless.” After a few weeks of what I thought was great training, my body decided it was time to battle my mind. I began only sleeping a few hours each night, mostly lying in bed staring at the ceiling. My asthma started becoming worse and giving me troubles, especially while running. Of course my mind just kept saying “Oh you’re fine, you probably just drank too much coffee.” All I could think of was that other people were out there training even more than I was and I would have to compete with them this year. I feel like I need to make some serious leaps and bounds in my swim and bike fitness levels and that killing myself day in and day out was the only way to get there.

The fateful day soon came when I attempted a long run (no food or water of course…), made it two miles, and realized I could barely breathe and was nearly walking. I turned around and walked back home crying. People had been telling me I was overtraining but I couldn’t accept it until this point. I thought I was training like pro triathletes train.

I am trying to grasp this lesson in training and restraint. After a week and a half of easy training to try and recover I am finally sleeping through the night again. Taking easy days is so much more of a mental challenge for me than going out and hammering a 6 hour ride or long run drinking only water (looking back I am not sure why I thought this was a great idea, definitely not recommended). But this past week and a half has been filled with some great training sessions…even if they were really easy. It is humbling to realize how little I know about triathlons and training. However, I am so thankful to be surrounded by wonderful people who have been teaching me what being a “pro” triathlete really means!

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I hopped back on my mountain bike for the first time since a trip to Wyoming in July. On the first day of our trip to Jackson my uncle, Peter, and I did some fun downhill riding at Jackson Hole. Well, it was fun, until my uncle (an experienced downhill mountain biker who has raced in the past) misjudged a landing on the expert trail and took a bad fall. A really, really bad fall. I had taken a different trail and was waiting at the bottom but after ten minutes passed without any sight of Peter I started to become worried, he should have already been down at the bottom my now. I had one of those sick feelings in my stomach…something must have happened. I tried calling his cell a few times and when he picked up on the third call I could immediately tell in his voice that something was awry. He said he would be down the mountain soon. Time moved so slowly until I saw him emerge from the trees. 

Peter was leaning on his bike and walking slowly. Once he made it down to me I asked if I could take his bike but he said he needed it for support. Even though he didn’t say it, I could see in his eyes that he was a in a great deal of pain. My heart dropped and my stomach churned as I looked at the dirt and blood pasted on his face, even though he was wearing a full-face downhill helmet (which was broken). The scariest part of the whole situation was seeing the strongest person I know, and someone I love so much, in an inconceivable amount of pain. I asked if he wanted to go see the First Aid squad and at first he resisted (he always refuses to go to the doctor because he claims they only “practice” on you), but then I told him we were going and he agreed. An ambulance picked him up from the mountain and brought him to the hospital where we found out he had shattered his back (T7) and would be in a clamshell back brace for three months. After I packed up our bikes into the car…alone…I climbed into the driver’s seat and all the emotions rushed over me and the tears were rolling down my face the whole drive home. I still can’t believe Peter walked all the way down the mountain with a BROKEN BACK!  

After this experience I was so timid to get back on the mountain bike. But this week I got back out there with Peter and some Top Dog Cycle friends and had a blast riding the trails at Virginia Key! Not only was it fulfilling to overcome some fears and ride with my uncle again, but it was a nice change from road riding and forced me ride easy due to my inexperience on the technical sections of the trails. Pinterest tells me to “Do one thing every day that scares you”…check!

I left Miami this past Sunday to travel home for a week before Christmas. I am excited to spend time with friends I have not seen in ages and, of course, my family! I am so lucky to live in a wonderful part of New Jersey with miles of trails. Even just the sight of a forest and large areas of grass is an exciting and welcomed change from Miami. I had forgotten what it was like to see so many stars and to go for a run in the morning where the only light is that from the moon. I am hoping to get back to normal training as soon as possible and will remember to be much more patient this time!

I have some exciting plans in the works for next year in terms of racing and sponsors I will be announcing in the coming weeks once all the arrangements are complete. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year and remember…this day will never happen again so wake up and smile!